Drunken Gundam
by Creating Myths
Summary: This songfic of sorts explores what one could do to a drunken Gundam Wing bishounen. Set to the tune of "What do you do to a Drunken Sailor". There is some 13x5/5x13 and 4x3 yaoi implications, but all in good fun! R/R


Drunken Gundam  
  
A song fic type thingie by Kitsune-yasha (Hey! Isn't she that chick who writes EVA yaoi fanfics?)  
  
Disclaimer: I have a lot to disclaim. I don't own Gundam Wing (some other blokes do), I don't own the tune of 'What would you do with a Drunken Sailor' (though, I do know how to play it on my baritone). I don't own Girl Scouts (but I am one!). I don't own Viagra (thank God!). The only thing I do own is the computer that I'm writing this on.  
  
  
Note: This was inspired by a hilarious fanfic called "Drunken Wufei" where Duo and Quatre (quite bored out of their wits) decide to get Wufei drunk, dye his hair Manic-Panic Green, dress him in a skimpy black dress, and take him to an amateur drag review where our inebriated introvert pilot proceeds in giving a lap dance to a very happy ginger-haired man (::cough::Treize!::cough:: ). Unfortunately, the site this story was on under went reconstruction a few months ago and has NOT reposted the story. *sniffle sniffle *  
  
This is in song format and goes with the tune of "Drunken Sailor".  
  
Anything in brackets are alternate verses.  
Anything in asterisks are actions.  
Anything in parentheses are directions on HOW to sing the verse.  
  
Enjoy!  
  
[tear on the dotted line]  
********************************************************************************  
  
What do you do to a drunken Heero?  
What do you do to a drunken Heero?  
What do you do to a drunken Heero  
Ear-lie in the morning?  
  
Make him propose to Relena.  
Make him propose to Relena.  
Make him propose to Relena   
Ear-lie in the morning.   
  
What do you do to a drunken Duo?  
What do you do to a drunken Duo?  
What do you do to a drunken Duo  
Ear-lie in the morning?  
  
Cut his braid off, whip him with it.  
Cut his braid off, whip him with it.  
Cut his braid off, whip him with it  
Ear-lie in the morning.  
  
[Alternate Verse:  
(starts out really fast, then slows down with each line being slower than the last)  
Take away his caffeine pills.  
Take away his caffeine pills.  
Take away his *yawn * caffeine pills.  
Ear-lie in the morrrrrrrrrr--- zzzzzzzzzzzzz]  
  
What do you do to a drunken Trowa?  
What do you do to a drunken Trowa?  
What do you do to a drunken Trowa  
Ear-lie in the morning?  
  
Feed him to the hungry lions.  
Feed him to the hungry lions.  
Feed him to the hungry lions  
*a scream is heard *  
*in a scared nervous voice *  
Ear-lie in the morning *gulp *  
  
[Alternate Verse:  
Take away all his ammo.  
Take away all his rockets.  
Make him do a self-destruction  
Ear-lie in the morning.]  
  
What do you do to a drunken Quatre?  
What do you do to a drunken Quatre?  
What do you do to a drunken Quatre  
Ear-lie in the morning?  
  
*stops singing*  
That's an excellent question. What would you do to a drunken Quatre? More so, how would you get Quatre drunk? Since it's still being pondered, we won't do anything to Quatre. We'll just let him take care of drunken Trowa, or rather the inebriated pseudo-mute's remains.  
  
Onto the next vict- I mean bish!  
  
What do you do to a drunken Wufei?  
What do you do to a drunken Wufei?  
What do you do to a drunken Wufei  
Ear-lie in the morning?  
  
Dress him up as an onna.  
Make him fly a broken Gundam.  
Make him fight, lose to Tallgeese  
Ear-lie in the morning.  
  
[Alternate Verse:  
Dress him up as a Girl Scout.  
Give him to Kushrenada-  
*SLAM *  
*CLICK *  
*LOCK *  
Wufei: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
Treize: Boku no chiisai ryuu!!!   
*blink blink * Anou...heh heh!  
Ear-lie in the morning!]  
  
What do you do to a drunken Zechs?  
What do you do to a drunken Zechs?  
What do you do to a drunken Zechs  
Ear-lie in the morning?  
  
Take his mask, blow him up.  
Take his mask, blow him up.  
Take his mask, blow him up  
Ear-lie in the morning.  
  
What do you do to a drunken Treize?  
What do you do to a drunken Treize?  
What do you do to a drunken Treize  
Ear-lie in the morning?  
  
Set him loose on drunken Wufei.  
Set him loose on drunken Wufei.  
Set him loose on drunken Wufei-  
*SLAM *  
Treize: Wuffie! *hic * My lil' dragon!  
Wufei: AHHHHHHHH!!!  
*the sound of chains *  
Authoress: Whoo-hoo! Yaoi!  
Um, oh, right, the song.  
*resumes singing *  
Ear-lie in the morning.  
  
@~~~~`~~~~~`~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Omake Omake!  
  
Kitsune-yasha: Haha! I am done!   
  
Duo: Thank God!  
  
Kitsune-yasha: Aw, c'mon, Duo-chan! It wasn't all that bad!  
  
Duo: Yes it was! You took away my caffeine pills! I fell asleep in the middle of a battle! You should stick to Shinji/Kaworu fanfics.  
  
Kitsune-yasha: Well, it wasn't all that bad for the other...right?  
  
Heero: *trying to escape the clutches of Relena* OMAE O KOROSU!   
  
Relena: *squeezes tighter* HEERO! ^____^  
  
Quatre: *holding the remains of Trowa * TROWA!!!!! *the Zero System-induced   
Death Glare* Omae o korosu!  
  
Heero: Hey! That's my line!  
  
Wufei: *being glomped by Treize * Stupid onna!   
  
Treize: *perpetually euphoric look on his face * This is the happiest day of my life! Thank you!  
  
Kitsune-yasha: See? One person's happy!  
  
Duo: He doesn't count!  
  
*suddenly Zechs bursts in*  
  
Zechs: I want my mask back.  
  
Kitsune-yasha: *gasp * Miliardo Peacecraft! I thought you were dead!   
  
Zechs: *face fault * Hey! Don't use that name! I'm Zechs and I'll always be Zechs!  
  
Duo: *mishearing him * You want to be known as "Sex"? Whoa, buddy! I think you had a bit too much viagra!  
  
Zechs: *blushing * That's not what I said!  
  
Duo: *smug smile * Sure....  
  
Treize: Zechs? What are you doing here?  
  
Zechs: *!!! * Treize! I thought you were dead! What are you doing here? *sees   
Wufei * And why are you glomping that poor Gundam pilot in a Girl Scout uniform?  
  
Treize: *suddenly drops Wufei and laughs nervously * Heh heh...No reason!  
  
Wufei: Oro! @_@  
  
Kitsune-yasha: Seeming that everybody knows everybody, I think I'll be leaving.  
  
*creeps out *  
  
  
The Real End  
@~~~~~`~~~~~`~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Heh heh! I'm finished! Stupid, ne? But of course!  
Wufei in a girl scout uniform comes from a piece of fanart I drew that I still need to post online.   
  
"Boku no chiisai ryuu" means "My little dragon."  
  
The whole "Miliardo Peacecraft! I thought you were dead!" is an odd paraphrasing of a phrase from Endless Waltz (it's supposed to be 'Zechs Marquise! I thought you were dead!", but that would make the point of taking his mask trivial).  
  
You can review now!  
  
  
Ja ne! (and that's a threat!)  
  
  



End file.
